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Let this be known......
True to my Aries nature, I am a Ram. A gypsy in my own kingdom where conformity has no relevance.
With that said, the time has finally arrived..... The bone has healed. The transition to a normal life is picking up speed now. I return to work with no restrictions Feb 2nd. I'm also taking full advantage of Golds Gym and getting my body back in shape...... It's about damn time......
The last 6 or so months have been amazing. In every sense. A true test of my patience, spirit, and will, as well as a sleepless nightmare full of humility, anger, frustration and doubt.
I cant believe that just 2 months back, I was still having trouble getting my clothes on. I could barely pull pants or shorts over my left leg. Worse yet, was my attempts at putting on socks and finally shoes. Tough to do when you cant bend your leg. I could go on, but you guys have heard my rants about this enough already. One of the things I was told early on, was the possibility that I may lose the mobility of my left leg. That I would not be able to ever ride my bicycle or run again not to mention the fact that even walking would become a challenge. But here most recently noted, that's not the case. Thanks to a lot of hard, painfull work, a will to succeed and a strong support group behind me. Seems I'll be plagued by arthritis in the knee, and at some point it could ware out. But, I have resumed to riding a bike and regained 75 percent mobility in my leg. As for the knee wearing out, Time will tell... That is not going to stop me, nor will it slow me down. Why should it? As said "life is only what you make it" My couch will not become my death bed!
With so much idle time, I have been able to take a hard look at my inner spirit, force myself to move forward, and find new direction along the way. This period of time has been one of the toughest points of my life no doubt. However, from it, I gained a greater knowledge of who I am and what I want of my life.
Sorry to some of you, but, I will not be giving up motorcycle riding. The intense urge to race is gone(At least for now), but the desire to ride is as strong as ever. I love it too much. Blame my dad if you will. He's the one who started the fire in me as a very young boy. Ah, just kidding! Cant blame Dad. Although it was short lived, as pops gave up dirtbikes to pursue another racing adventure.. The hope that someday I'd get my own motocross bike lived on. It was always a dream as I grew up to get a dirt bike and go ride from sun up to sun down. The key to keeping that flame lit....I didnt live far from a local Honda dealership as a kid. Seems every chance I got, I would sneak down there to look at the new dirt bikes. Shhh. Dont tell mom and dad. HAHA! I think I was about 8 years old when I got to ride a motorcycle for the first time. It was a friends bike that was loaned to my dad for my pleasure. Yes, it scared the hell out of me. But was it as blast. Twisting that throttle was heaven. Too bad the days were already numbered! Then later in my teens I got another shot with a good friend of mine, Trevor. That was the spark that set off the real passion. Of course it was also short lived. But, when I got out of the Navy at the age of 23 the desire was as strong as ever and well here we are today!
Those of you that really know me, especially from my competitive track and cross country days, know how deep I get when it comes to being passionate. Talk about mental. I get this tunnel vision with a one track mind and I think everyone is the enemy! Then, I go all in and I just train till my mind explodes. Well thats the same basic thing that happened with me again. I broke my leg the first time and well... Wait a minute. Actually before the broken leg, there was a broken wrist, then the dislocated finger, then the broken collar bone, and then the broken legs... Ok so anyway, I got it in my head that I'm tougher than that and I was not going to let an injury stop me no matter how severe. I jumped into last season like a raging bull on a brand new bike that I didnt have set up for my ride style yet(Still Dont). Virtually no seat time. I didnt really know what the bike was capable of or how it needed to be ridden. And well I took off like a mad dog untill I got bit again! Hmm?
Worse part of this whole deal, my family paid the price too. I would stop at nothing, even ignoring Karma. In nearly every one of these bone shattering incidents, There were deep signs of energy trying to steer me away from the event of the day to come, but I ignored them. In my raging pursuit I seemingly forgot about my Family in an effort to fulfill my passion. Thats was the mistake of all mistakes and both my family and I paid dearly for it. I became so obsessed and intense with racing that I was putting everything aside to pursue my childhood dream. Chasing after a piece plastic otherwise known as a "Trophy" and the fame of being on that so called podium. Yes, it's been a rough couple of years, but I think I have finally learned the life lesson that I had tried to ignore far too long....I think it's all finally come full cirlce.
There is no denying that feeling of riding on the edge. I love it, I just cant explain that feeling well enough. It goes something like this. In high school, I once got into a debate with a smart assed Senior Varsity football player over the Wuss factor of being a distance runner???? Time to expand somebody's mind... This conversation came up cause I had just got my Varsity Lettermans Jacket and was wearing it to school for the first time(as a Junior). The conversation went something like this. I asked the guy what it felt like when he made the perfect play. That great tackle. Think about it. I mean everything just comes together so well it surreal. There is a rush of excitement in the mind like no other. A rage of intensity that just overwhelms you. The internal flame becomes a blow torch of energy. Well thats what I got out of running, it's what i get out of having a familly, my home, learning to play my guitars, and yes Riding and Racing my Motorcycles............ It's the positive mental energy that feeds my life and pushes me to excel. To exceed expectation. It's my freedom. What makes me who I am. |
